Breathe.

http://denudate.tumblr.com

2010-06-24T22:09:00.000+08:00

Remember now.

2010-06-21T17:46:00.000+08:00

In the past week, we've had our 11th month, 48th week, and my very advanced birthday celebration on each consecutive day starting from Wednesday. The last part was the best, of course.

Lies, failed surprises here and there, but yeah, my advanced 18th birthday celebration. I was told that the Soccerettes would be there, plus some that are close to the heart, and we'd be spending 4 hours in a room watching movies and basically just hang out.

I was blindfolded at one of the gates, and led to the pitch where the Soccerettes were wearing basic tees printed with "HAPPY 18 B'DAY WEIRU" and singing a birthday song for me. Shocked to the point where I was devoid of normal speech capabilities would just describe me perfectly at that point of time. Well, I was gaping. And smiling like an idiot. The boyfriend then handed me my Team JJ shirt and my fbt, to which he had already told me on the way over to the pitch that he had taken some of my clothes from MY room without me knowing. Smart. No wonder I couldn't find that pair of pants and had to go to school on Thursday in one that's a size larger.

Changed (into one of the printed tees), and I was introduced to this Coke of an ice-box. Not literally, but when he opened it, only the Coke registered in my head and I lunged for one. Been deprived of Coke lately. Had some nuggets and we joined in the game.

The games in that 4 hours were rough. The juniors are monsters~ Hahaha. Most of us seniors left the pitch at the end of the last game with bruises everywhere. I left the pitch early as I got hit in the head by the stupid ball, and I would count the stars if they wouldn't stop moving. Bloody hell :(

Halfway through, my lover came :) HuiMian, with a very chocolatey cake. Another birthday song, a few pictures, and yep time to catch up with her. Denise then called and we went to pick her up. Time was up by the time we got back. Bathed, and we all left. (The changing room was a horror. Their curtains wouldn't stay in place and I'm not a fan of exposing my naked body aka lump of fats to anybody, babies or not.)

Had Dinner at Sumo House with the boyfriend, HuiMian and Gloria, while the rest had their own plans later in the night.

Went home with the boyfriend and he left early as I wasn't feeling too well and he had claimed that he was tired (so that I can sleep)!! Funny boy.

Thanks to all the people who came! The boyfriend, HuiMian, Coach, Anthea, Cordelia, Denise, Gloria, Jasmine, Syahirah, Wahidah, YickTing, Fanny, YiTing, Samantha, Sabrina, Sharon, JingYan, Tricia, Parvneet(?) and Ras(?).
Thank you :) The boyfriend's surprise couldn't have been so successful without you all! Namely, Coach for going to the boyfriend's house to help with carrying all the food and drinks, Cordelia for coming all the way over to JP early in the morning in replacement of the boyfriend, HuiMian for coming over with the cake after her school, and of course, the boyfriend for planning all these for the past few weeks, and making it all happen. Thanks, baby :)

Will update this post with the pictures once I get them I suppose. x

Faith.

2010-06-13T00:44:00.002+08:00

"If you love someone, if you truly love someone, you will put aside foolish pride and fear, and love them without regret, without worry, cause you know that without them there's no reason for caring."

-eletheowl

I know what I want now. This revelation, it came to me when I was lying on this very unfriendly bed over at some hotel in Kudai, Malaysia, just this afternoon. I couldn't sleep, and everything about you filled my head. All that you did, all that you're going to do, all the silly faces you can plaster on to make me laugh, the finger games our hands are so accustomed to, me trying to trip you and failing terribly, you smiling and laughing like a small kid when I pinch your tummy, you..

Then I thought of how angsty I have been these days, or weeks. Or maybe even months. I can't believe myself. Can't believe that I'm self-destructing again. I looked at my phone. Typed a message, saying I miss you and how sorry I am. Stared at the send button and pondered. No, I don't think I should. Not after how you left me waiting yesternight. Smacked myself in the head, select all and backspace. I opened up my notes, and I tapped on the one titled quotes. I saw the quote above. I smacked myself in the head again. Typed another message, almost the same one. Stared at the send button again. No, I can't. Smack. Select all, backspace. Notes. Smack. Type. Stare... and it went on over and over again.

When we were leaving for dinner, I told myself. Quit being an indecisive bitch, you've been nothing but that lately and it's pissing me off. Of course, I smacked myself again. Stared at the quote somemore, and I finally texted you using Howge's phone. Your reply came almost immediately and I smiled.

On the way to Woodlands checkpoint, I kept refreshing the choose network page, hoping that I can get my line back and call you. It took me eons before I could, and that I did.

I like going to Malaysia. It disconnects me from my own world, no talking to anyone but people who don't know anything (that troubles me), no opinions from people who are not capable of making me switch to the other side of the fence but enough to make me sway.. Indecisive mm? Either way, it's a good place to let me breathe. Breathe properly. And this trip came at the right time.

I know what I want now. You. You being in my life. I will (and did) tame this stupid pride of mine.
For you.

Enough of that now. That's the most of my personal life that you will get. It's been long aye?

I went to Malaysia with my parents this morning, and Howge joined us in the early evening, to celebrate my grandfather's birthday. It was a joyous occasion to be at, and we could tell that our grandparents are happy. Seeing them happy is, heartwarming. Literally. And need I mention about the unkind bed? It was at some hotel, the worst one that I've ever been to.

There were no chairs in the room. Had to carry one up to the 3rd floor for Daddy. No lift to speak of.
The air-conditioner wasn't working and Daddy had to make a trip down to enquire about it. He came back up with a remote control. Shouldn't it be, in the room in the first place?
The table lamp wasn't working properly. In the same trip down, Daddy mentioned about it. The receptionist replied that since nobody uses it (much), they didn't bother to repair it.

Ridiculous? It's almost like how A can call B a slut and doesn't want to apologise for it because A told C and C wasn't supposed to tell B in the first place. Funny how some people work.

I'm going to talk to the love of my life now. He has been waiting for 3 minutes I think. X

Update.

2010-06-08T15:31:00.005+08:00

I'm with the boyfriend at the office now and I just showed him the video. Cute mm? Anyway, sorry for the lack of updates. I've either been attempting to finish up my Organic Chem tutorials, or walking into shops and fighting the urge to spend on something. And of course, spending (lesser) time with the boyfriend and going to school every other day.

Well, that's my life. Pretty boring huh.

Going to stop now, with something I saw from tumblr. I believe the answer's something the boyfriend can come up with if smacked with the same question. I love my boy. (Inserts happy face)

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?

A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.

Playing God

2010-05-23T01:13:00.000+08:00

I can't make my own decisions
Or make any with precision
Well maybe you should tie me up
So I don't go where you don't want me
You say that I've been changing
That i'm not just simply ageing
Well how could that be logical?
Just keep on cramming ideas down my throat
Woah

You don't have to believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger I might have to bend it back
And break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger I'll point you to the mirror

If God's the game that you're playing
Well we must get more acquainted
Because it has to be so lonely to be the only one who's holy
It's just my humble opinion but it's one that I believe in
You don't deserve a point of view
If the only thing you see is you
Woah

You don't have to believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger I'll point you to the mirror

This is the last second chance
(I'll point you to the mirror)
I'm half as good as it gets
(I'll point you to the mirror)
I'm on both sides of the fence
(I'll point you to the mirror)
Without a hint of regret I'll hold you to it

I know you don't believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger I'll point you to the mirror

I know you won't believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger I'll point you to the mirror.

Sometimes.. just sometimes.

2010-05-23T01:07:00.001+08:00

You have to decide, whether you're hungry or do you just want to satisfy that devil of a stomach. Whether some things, be it another individual, an inanimate object etc., is a want or a need. And one with never a definite answer - whether you choose to believe in what you think is correct, or what you want to believe in.

So.. I guess the both of us really are wearing out.

2010-05-22T19:39:00.001+08:00

Man.

2010-05-18T21:50:00.003+08:00

My man back. MY man back. Nad should be able to get over my man thighs now that there's this. (Y)

2010-05-09T23:17:00.000+08:00

“She loved with so much more passion as she loved with ignorance. She did not know whether it were good or evil, beneficent or dangerous, necessary or accidental, eternal or transitory, permitted or prohibited: she loved.”

-Victor Hugo (Les Misérables)

Though it can never be compared to what you've showered me with all these years, I love you, my lifegiver. With all of me. Happy Mother's Day :)

2010-05-08T21:32:00.001+08:00

“We both know life is too short. Too short to waste a single second with anyone who doesn’t appreciate and value you.”

-The Truth About Forever

2010-05-08T21:30:00.001+08:00

“If there is any possible consolation in the tragedy of losing someone we love very much, it’s the necessary hope that perhaps it was for the best.”

-Paulo Coelho

2010-05-08T21:25:00.002+08:00

“Something tells me that whatever happens with us, whether we stay together or go our separate ways, neither one of us will ever forget the time we spent together.”

-eletheowl

Breathe.

2010-05-08T20:11:00.006+08:00

Humidity, or is it just me? It's getting harder to breathe with each passing day, each thought, each sip of Coke. I'm not proud of it, but the fact that Coke is my only salvation.. can never be altered.

Each time I try to stand up, I find myself falling harder, if not deeper. Whatever happened to us? Things change, I know that. But, us..? You, whom I've relied on all these years, the (perhaps only) one whom I allow to talk sense into me? You, of all the others? Alas, the others. If I will push you away, away from where it hurts most, what will become of them? Nothing more than acquaintances, I presume.

Either way, I'd live. 25 more weeks to A's, I can and will sit at this spot and do my papers. No time for me to find proper ground to stand on.

.................. I'm thankful though, for the boyfriend. I'm still enjoying exploring this thing between me and him (9 months into the relationship yes). It's been nothing short of amazing so far, and I'm thankful for it every single day.

Let's, forget.
Forget all that we swore we meant.